I wrote a paragraph as part of a writing exercise, on a Facebook "writer's" page. I was one of 11 people to do so. That was the other day, today I went back onto it and had a look. Ten other people had done the exercise too, in the comments section, same as me.
Nine posts had one or more "likes" and two had none.
Mine was one of those two.
I immediately wanted to delete it because the cringe factor involved in the fact that no one thought my paragraph was good enough to "like" on a social network, was astronomical. But I didn't delete it, I decided to tough it out - stare at my "no likes" and then move on. But it got me thinking, my self doubt when it comes to writing is so huge that I can never finish a full length manuscript because I'm afraid my story isn't interesting enough and that no one would want to read it. It's a horrible feeling.
But even if I did manage to surpass the self doubt and write something that I loved, would I give up again when I got rejected by however many agents? Or if no one wanted to publish my story, what then?
It got me thinking about goals in life. My goals are pretty much the ones I've had since school, and I'm 33 now and I still haven't been to New York, and I still haven't written a book, I don't own my own house. I've accomplished things, I have two wonderful children, I am married to their father, we live in a nice rented property and we have a lovely dog and don't do bad money wise. But those things were never my goals, I was never bothered about getting married or having kids, but I ended up doing so. So what about my actual goals? Well, my husband decided that next year should be the year that we go to New York. I've wanted to for 18 years but have never gotten there, as a throwaway comment after we'd decided to go, he said "What will you do when you've been to New York? Will you find somewhere else that you need to go to?"
I couldn't say. Because New York has just become one of those things, I swoon over pictures, I trawl the internet looking for flight prices, but it never occurred to me what would happen after I went... Will I just be one goal down? Do you create another one?
If I went to New York and then accomplished my dream of being a writer, what then? Do you just make more goals and if that's the case time after time, are you never fulfilled? Or do you accomplish your goals and think, "Wow, that was great," and then sit back and read a magazine?
Sometimes I fear that I'll never be satisfied. My husband always tells me, and I know myself, that I'm always wanting something - and once I've got it, I start wanting something else. Is that a bad thing? Or is that, in it's own way, a goal? Where does it end?
We will go to New York. And I'll keep trying with my book. But I can't help but wonder, what then?
Nine posts had one or more "likes" and two had none.
Mine was one of those two.
I immediately wanted to delete it because the cringe factor involved in the fact that no one thought my paragraph was good enough to "like" on a social network, was astronomical. But I didn't delete it, I decided to tough it out - stare at my "no likes" and then move on. But it got me thinking, my self doubt when it comes to writing is so huge that I can never finish a full length manuscript because I'm afraid my story isn't interesting enough and that no one would want to read it. It's a horrible feeling.
But even if I did manage to surpass the self doubt and write something that I loved, would I give up again when I got rejected by however many agents? Or if no one wanted to publish my story, what then?
It got me thinking about goals in life. My goals are pretty much the ones I've had since school, and I'm 33 now and I still haven't been to New York, and I still haven't written a book, I don't own my own house. I've accomplished things, I have two wonderful children, I am married to their father, we live in a nice rented property and we have a lovely dog and don't do bad money wise. But those things were never my goals, I was never bothered about getting married or having kids, but I ended up doing so. So what about my actual goals? Well, my husband decided that next year should be the year that we go to New York. I've wanted to for 18 years but have never gotten there, as a throwaway comment after we'd decided to go, he said "What will you do when you've been to New York? Will you find somewhere else that you need to go to?"
I couldn't say. Because New York has just become one of those things, I swoon over pictures, I trawl the internet looking for flight prices, but it never occurred to me what would happen after I went... Will I just be one goal down? Do you create another one?
If I went to New York and then accomplished my dream of being a writer, what then? Do you just make more goals and if that's the case time after time, are you never fulfilled? Or do you accomplish your goals and think, "Wow, that was great," and then sit back and read a magazine?
Sometimes I fear that I'll never be satisfied. My husband always tells me, and I know myself, that I'm always wanting something - and once I've got it, I start wanting something else. Is that a bad thing? Or is that, in it's own way, a goal? Where does it end?
We will go to New York. And I'll keep trying with my book. But I can't help but wonder, what then?
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