I've been watching my Sex & The City boxset (just gotten to the end of Season 2 - again) and I can't help but think that maybe, when it comes to men, I peaked too soon (and that maybe I was born on the wrong continent). I never really dated as such, I had a few ill advised flings but apart from that, I had boyfriends pretty much solidly.
The man that I am currently cohabiting with is, for want of a better word, my baby Daddy (which seems mean in a way because he can be great in certain situations, but a complete tit in others...) and he and I have had a tempestuous relationship in which we act for the most part, like our pasts have a hold over us. He is Serious Boyfriend #3 - and I am 31... I have had a couple of boyfriends who lasted a matter of months, henceforth know as CBFs (Casual Boyfriends) and a few what can only be described as Oops Moments with men that I am or was friends with. But I have never been Out There Dating, and I know, I know that Yorkshire is hardly New York but had I lived nearer inner city Leeds or similar, maybe my dating/relationship history may have been different. I expect the number of SBs would be similar to what is actually is, the CBFs and OMs may have been more plentiful, but is that something that I'd want? I've never been good with flings, it's not really my kind of scene - I'm kind of defensive with men as it is. But I do wonder where I would have been had my dating life been different.
That's not to say that I would have wanted it to be, because had it not gone the way it did, I wouldn't have my two (mostly) wonderful children. But I can't help but gaze wistfully into the middle distance on occasion and imagine myself as a Carrie/Samantha/Charlotte/Miranda morph, having a fabulous, cosy yet chic apartment all to myself, dating men who take me out for cocktails and having my own Mr Big to ponder over and having my circle of girlfriends tighter than it is nowadays, where we seem to drift slightly based on whereabouts our lives are currently at.
I am well aware that I am a very lucky person, I may not have large amounts of wealth (yet) or a perfect relationship (do they even exist?) or an amazing job (yet), but I have good health, I have healthy children, a job, a nice house, some great friends, a dog in a million and I have talent - and I have the capacity to expand myself, when my children are grown, I'll still be at an age where I can do pretty much anything I want, change my career, finally go to Manhattan on my pilgrimage that has so far been 17 years in the planning... So yes, I'm not moaning, compared to many, I have a good life, a great life, but sometimes I can't help wondering;
Did I peak too soon? Or is my peak yet to come?
The man that I am currently cohabiting with is, for want of a better word, my baby Daddy (which seems mean in a way because he can be great in certain situations, but a complete tit in others...) and he and I have had a tempestuous relationship in which we act for the most part, like our pasts have a hold over us. He is Serious Boyfriend #3 - and I am 31... I have had a couple of boyfriends who lasted a matter of months, henceforth know as CBFs (Casual Boyfriends) and a few what can only be described as Oops Moments with men that I am or was friends with. But I have never been Out There Dating, and I know, I know that Yorkshire is hardly New York but had I lived nearer inner city Leeds or similar, maybe my dating/relationship history may have been different. I expect the number of SBs would be similar to what is actually is, the CBFs and OMs may have been more plentiful, but is that something that I'd want? I've never been good with flings, it's not really my kind of scene - I'm kind of defensive with men as it is. But I do wonder where I would have been had my dating life been different.
That's not to say that I would have wanted it to be, because had it not gone the way it did, I wouldn't have my two (mostly) wonderful children. But I can't help but gaze wistfully into the middle distance on occasion and imagine myself as a Carrie/Samantha/Charlotte/Miranda morph, having a fabulous, cosy yet chic apartment all to myself, dating men who take me out for cocktails and having my own Mr Big to ponder over and having my circle of girlfriends tighter than it is nowadays, where we seem to drift slightly based on whereabouts our lives are currently at.
I am well aware that I am a very lucky person, I may not have large amounts of wealth (yet) or a perfect relationship (do they even exist?) or an amazing job (yet), but I have good health, I have healthy children, a job, a nice house, some great friends, a dog in a million and I have talent - and I have the capacity to expand myself, when my children are grown, I'll still be at an age where I can do pretty much anything I want, change my career, finally go to Manhattan on my pilgrimage that has so far been 17 years in the planning... So yes, I'm not moaning, compared to many, I have a good life, a great life, but sometimes I can't help wondering;
Did I peak too soon? Or is my peak yet to come?
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